


When Words Aren't Warm Enough

by torakowalski



Category: M Chandler - Shadow of the Templar
Genre: Canon Related, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 04:09:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torakowalski/pseuds/torakowalski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Nate hadn't planned his route, but he was less surprised than perhaps he should have been when he found himself standing outside Johnny's house, ringing the doorbell. </i></p><p>Missing scene from the Double Down epilogue - massive spoilers for that book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Words Aren't Warm Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wildestranger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildestranger/gifts).



> Just a little treat for you &lt;3

After reading Rich's email, after phoning Simon, after Simon had told him in his best _I am the boss of you_ tone that he should stay put and wait for everything to get sorted. After all of that, Nate pulled on a jacket, pocketed his house keys and slipped out of the house, taking care to close the front door quietly enough that he hopefully wouldn't wake his mom.

He couldn't go to headquarters (yet. Hopefully, was just a matter of _yet_ now that Rich had as good as cleared him) and he didn't really have many friends outside of work.

He hadn't planned his route, but he was less surprised than perhaps he should have been when he found himself standing outside Johnny's house, ringing the doorbell. It was the middle of the night and Nate winced at how loud the bell sounded. He already felt stupid for coming here; he should have stayed at home.

Johnny opened the door with his gun against his thigh and pillow creases across his right cheek. Nate felt instantly better. He'd missed his team.

"Specs?" Johnny said after a few seconds pause. He cleared his throat and put his gun down on the table by the door. "Hey. What's up? Something happen?"

Nate shook his head. Stupid, he felt so stupid for being here, waking Johnny up. "I got-," he started to say then shook his head again. "Rich-."

"Okay," Johnny said, drawing the word out. "I guess you better come in." He put his hand on Nate's arm, leading him into the house when Nate didn't move.

Nate shivered once the door was closed, folding his arms over his chest. Johnny's house was warm, much warmer than Nate's mom let them keep their house, but now that Nate had started to shiver, he couldn't seem to stop. He was so tired all of a sudden.

Johnny's hand on his shoulder made him jump, but he was still sorry when Johnny let go again immediately. "What's Rich done now?" Johnny asked. He sounded gruff, maybe a little pissed, but whether that was at Nate or at Rich, Nate didn't know.

"I got an email," Nate told him. "Just saying some stuff. He thought he was going to get away with it." That was what was bothering Nate, he realised. Rich had been looking forward to his future and now he didn't have one. Now he was dead, shipped back to Seattle in a body bag. Nate was angry with Rich, of course he was, but mostly he was sad for him.

Johnny shrugged. "He would have done if it hadn't been for Templar. Speaking of, you called him?"

"Yeah," Nate said, curious to see Johnny's shoulders slump slightly, not sure if it was relief that he didn't have to do anything official or-. Well, Nate couldn't think what else it could be. "He said he'd sort it out."

Johnny smiled slightly, nodding. "Well then," he said then seemed to run out of things to say. Nate was in the same boat. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten more that four hours sleep in a row and the warmth in Johnny's hallway was making it harder for his eyes to stay open, for him not to sway on his feet.

And oh, hey. Maybe he hadn't succeeded there so well, he realised, when Johnny voice was suddenly very close to his ear, muttering, "Woah," and his arm was secure around Nate's shoulders. Nate had to try really hard not to lean into him, was too tired to remember why that would be a mistake, but knew it would be.

"You okay?" Johnny asked when Nate was steady on his feet again. He'd loosened his grip from around Nate's shoulders but hadn't completely let him go.

"Yeah," Nate said, taking a step away and breaking the contact between them, rubbing a hand over his face. "Just tired."

Johnny didn't say anything for a minute but when Nate looked up, he smiled kind of strangely and asked, "You want to crash here?"

"Yes," Nate said without thinking. He did, he realised, he really did. Sleeping anywhere that wasn't his own room, wasn't where he'd been shut in for days, sounded fantastic.

Johnny jerked his head toward a doorway. "Futon's in here." He paused. "Unless you want the bed?"

"No," Nate said quickly. He wasn't kicking anyone out of their bed. "The futon's great. Thank you."

Johnny waved him off and led him into what turned out to be a TV or a games room - it was full of both and, normally, Nate would have been curious to see what systems he had but all he could do right now was look at the futon pressed into one corner. There was a creased comforter spread haphazardly across it, which was fine with Nate, but apparently not with Johnny, who started straightening it out, shaking out the pillows at one end.

Nate managed a thin-feeling smile at the incongruity. "It's fine," he said but Johnny ignored him. Nate must have zoned out then, he definitely lost time because the next thing he knew, Johnny was back at his side.

"Hey," Johnny said, touching his elbow.  "Lie down and get some shuteye, yeah?"  
   
"Yeah."  There was no way that Nate was going to be able to sleep but just lying down sounded kind of nice.  He nodded and shuffled over to the futon, barely remembering to kick off his shoes before curling up on top of the comforter and closing his eyes.  
   
Immediately, Rich's face flashed up in front of his eyes, bloodsplattered and wide-eyed, which didn't even make any sense; Nate hadn't seen him dead.  He'd seen enough other people dead that he could extrapolate though.  
   
He shuddered and opened his eyes again quick.  
   
Johnny was across the room, leaning against the wall by the door, head bowed.  He looked up after a minute, like he could sense Nate watching him and quirked a small, fake smile.  
   
"Sleeeep," he intoned solemnly and Nate almost managed a fake smile of his own.  Nate rolled over and screwed his eyes up tight, concentrating on nothing but darkness until the images of Rich stopped trying to appear.   
   
This didn't make any sense.  Rich had been dead days now, Nate shouldn't be freaking out about it now. Except. Except it was _Rich_ and they'd been friends. It was _Rich_ and Nate had always seen them as the same kind of people. If Rich could be bought then maybe he could be bought.  Oh God.  
   
God, Rich, you bastard.  
   
The futon dipped behind Nate and then Johnny was there, hand on Nate's shoulder, saying, "Specs, hey, Specs."  
   
Nate sniffed and wiped his nose on the back of his hand.  Jeez, how embarrassing.   
   
"Spe-ecs," Johnny cooed, squeezing and releasing Nate's shoulder to a rhythm that was half comfort, half warning.  
   
Nate rolled onto his back and squinted up defiantly at Johnny through eyes that kept wanting to leak.  
   
"Fuck," Johnny muttered under his breath, before getting his arms around Nate and crushing him roughly against his chest.  It wasn't the best hug ever, Nate's nose was getting squashed and he felt kind of awkward but it was a hug and Nate was prepared (and maybe a little embarrassed) to admit that he really needed one.  He pushed Johnny back until he could sit up less clumsily, curl his hands in Johnny's shirt and hold on for as long as Johnny would let him.  
   
"I'm sorry," he managed eventually.  
   
Johnny's hands flexed against his back.  "What's that?"  
   
"I know I should be able to handle this like everyone else is."  Nate kept his eyes closed and prayed this wasn't when Johnny started laughing at him.  
   
Johnny did laugh.  Nate cringed.  "No, hey," Johnny said quickly.  "You think we're handling this?  None of us are fucking handling this, okay?  It's Rich, man, one of the team.  Right now, I'm kind of too mad at him to be sorry, but I know sorry's gonna come.  You're just a nicer guy than I am, Specs."  
   
That was a lot of words from Johnny all at once.  Nate brought a hand up and scrubbed at his eyes.  "Yeah?"  
   
"Yeah, sure."  Johnny pressed a breezy, friendly kiss to Nate's temple before loosening his arms, letting Nate sit back if he wanted to.  
   
Nate's stomach turned over.  He didn't want to move away. He knew that all of this was just Johnny being Johnny, free and easy with his affection like no other guy Nate knew, but that didn't seem to matter inside his brain right now.  He lifted his head and brought their mouths together in an inelegant half-kiss.  
   
"Hey," Johnny said slowly, leaning away.  
   
Right, that was a sign that Nate should not try again.  Nate tried again.  
   
"Specs," Johnny said against Nate's mouth.  "No, hey, _Nate_.  You're all kinds of fucked up right now."  
   
"Yeah," Nate agreed.  "Please?"  He'd felt better when Johnny was hugging him; it stood to reason he'd feel better than that if Johnny kissed him.  
   
"Nate," Johnny moaned, sounding frustrated.   
   
Nate sat back a little and licked his lips.  "Please," he said again, making himself meet Johnny's eyes.  
   
Johnny huffed out a breath, gaze darting across Nate's face, down to his lips and back up to his eyes.  "Shit," Johnny said, "Templar's going to kill me," and then they were kissing.  
   
It was clumsy and kind of badly coordinated; Johnny's mouth tasted of sleep and toothpaste and Nate was pretty sure his tasted worse but he held on tight and Johnny held him back just as firmly and everything was better when they fell back against the comforter.  
   
The first time Johnny's hand tried to slide under Nate's shirt, Nate covered it with his own and carefully drew it back.

The second time, Nate smacked his arm and Johnny withdrew with a wounded sound, mouth opened to presumably ask why, but his eyes widened instead, apparently realising in time.  "Shit," he mumbled and dropped his head down to kiss Nate's neck, carefully keeping the collar of Nate's long-sleeved t-shirt in place.  It was nice to be doing this with someone who already knew what was under Nate's shirt but wouldn't ask to see.

It was nice to be doing this at all. It had been a long time. "Johnny," Nate whispered, just to say it, just to confirm that this wasn't just another dream that he'd wake up disappointed from.

Johnny shook his head hard. "Shh, don't," he groaned and pushed his hand below Nate's waistband, cupping Nate's skinny ass in one of his massive hands. Nate would be embarrassed about the speed with which he shoved his hips between Johnny's hand and his crotch and back but he wasn't, couldn't be, wanted whatever Johnny wanted.

Nate's pants were loose but Nate didn't think they would have stood in Johnny's way even if they hadn't been. Johnny had Nate out of his pants and briefs and himself out of all his clothes so quickly that all Nate could do was cling to him and hope to be taken along for the ride.

"You sure this is what you want?" Johnny asked. He was staring down at Nate with lust and something else in his eyes, something like bemusement but kinder.

Nate had wanted this for a really long time, since the first time Johnny had smiled his sleepy smile in Nate's direction and told everyone to lay off their teasing. He didn't think that would be the best thing to tell Johnny though so he just nodded.

Johnny's hands were back on his ass, kneading and groping while they kissed. His cock was big and leaking against Nate's belly. Nate could feel his t-shirt riding up, threatening to reveal the lowest of his scars. He uncurled one hand from Johnny's chest hair long enough to tug it back down, stopping to palm Johnny's cock on the way down.

Johnny groaned and picked up Nate's hand, bringing their cocks together and curling their hands around them.

Nate was pretty sure that he cursed but his ears were ringing too hard for him to be sure. He wanted more than that though, wanted-.

"I don't have anything down here," Johnny told him, kissing below Nate's ear and groaning against his skin in what sounded like frustration. Nate wondered distractedly if he had actually opened his mouth and _asked_ Johnny to fuck him. "I don't have-. We can-. We can go upstairs after. If you still want-."

Johnny's voice was breaking on each thrust into their joined fists and that was just as hot, maybe hotter, than the idea of going upstairs with Johnny, of doing this more than once.

"Specs?" Johnny asked, breathlessly. "This good for you?"

Was it good? It was great. Being touched was great. "Yeah," Nate said, realising belatedly that he could take an active part in this if he wanted, could roll his hips up toward Johnny's, so he did, trying to keep time with Johnny's thrusts and probably failing.

Johnny squeezed at their cocks, sliding Nate's fingers between his for a second before letting go. Nate got the message, keeping his hand where it was, while Johnny rolled his palm over the head of their cocks, first his then Nate's. Nate bit his lip and tried not to cry out because that felt amazing, white hot pleasure shooting through him.

Johnny did it again then nuzzled at Nate's mouth, licking at the corner of Nate's mouth until Nate released his bottom lip from between his teeth.

"I want to hear you," Johnny purred, his drawl almost a slur, "Let me hear you."

"Hear me?" Nate asked stupidly except Johnny pressed his thumb to the slit of Nate's cock and he hissed sharply.

"Yeah," Johnny said, laughing affectionately, "Hear you. Just like that." He did it again and Nate groaned, forgetting to feel embarrassed when Johnny smiled, obviously pleased.

Johnny sat up, straddling Nate's thighs and thrusting down hard into the hollow of his hip. It felt amazing, like Johnny really knew he was there which he did, of course he did, but Nate wasn't used to that. He mostly hooked up at conventions, with people who cared more about getting off than about who they did it with.

"Specs, Nate," Johnny mumbled over and over, pitching forward with his forearms braced on either side of Nate's head, mouthing at his face while his body trembled and his hips jerked convulsively. Warm come hit Nate's cock, sliding between his fingers and he tightened his knees against Johnny's sides, trying to hold Johnny through his aftershocks with one arm and bring himself off with the other.

"No, hey," Johnny muttered, rolling his head against Nate's t-shirt where his forehead was pressed against Nate's collarbone and looking down their bodies. "I was gonna take care of you."

"Next time," Nate said, thinking of what Johnny had said earlier about going upstairs, thinking of Johnny and digging his fingers into Johnny's muscled back and tensing, moaning, coming.

Johnny rearranged them while Nate was still trembling - maybe from aftershocks, maybe from something else. He stroked Nate's back and didn't say anything against Nate pressing his face into his chest and holding on.

Nate's eyes were fighting to close but Nate didn't want to sleep. He mouthed at Johnny's chest, finding a nipple and licking it experimentally.

"Jesus, Specs," Johnny groaned.

Nate looked up. "What?" he asked innocently.

Johnny closed his eyes briefly and shook his head, fighting a losing battle against a smile. "Aren't you tired?" Johnny asked. The smile was blissed out and affectionate. Nate didn't know how long it was going to last, but he liked it.

"Yeah," Nate said, "I am. I'm not ready to be done yet, though." He maybe let his intonation rise at the end there, asking a question and not asking one at the same time.

Johnny cupped the back of his neck and pressed their foreheads together. "Me either," he said and it sounded a little like a promise. For what, Nate wasn't sure, but right now, as long as Johnny was here and not leaving him alone, it was enough.


End file.
